Phoenix Sun, Dragon Moon Chapter One preview

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KKSparks's avatar
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   I stared out the window of my family's car. We were going to visit a family called the Ladon's. They were a very rich family and mine was invited to their mansion for some odd reason. It was just me, my mom Dahlia, my dad Nick, and my oldest sister Lucy who hates me. My other older sister (who is my twin) couldn't make it because of my brothers. Who am I you may ask? My name is Belinda Savannah and I'm 16 years old. I don't know it yet, but this trip was about to make my life change course.

When we got there, there was a white and black mansion with solid silver gates and fences. There were gardens with the most beautiful flowers and amzing hedges, with fountains to seal the deal. My father who was driving pressed the buzzer and said "Hello. This is Nick Savannah of the Savannah family. You've invited us to come here." For a few seconds, there was silence. Then the gates opened and my dad stopped when he saw a valet man you usually see at fancy restaraunts. I'm pretty sure that was illegal, but my dad stopped the car and gave the keys to him.

Before we walked out, Lucy looked at me. "If you see any cute men, tell me." she told me. She was 17, but she was already so bossy and bitchy. She tells me that she can do whatever she wants because she's older, but my parents never saw this. I wanted to tell them so badly about her behavior. I can't because I'm supposed to be happy and cheery, like the sun.

What do you guys think so far? May I please have long critiques please?

This is based off of the dream I had:  I had this dream...I just woke up from a nap but... I had this dream... I was with my family, and we were driving in a car to a mansion that belonged to a rich family. I was bored out of my mind and depressed because my stepsister couldn't come. And it felt like my family forgot about me...Then I jumped off of the mansion roof and then... The mansion family's son Karmichael saved me. He had a black dragon aura and I formed a golden Phoenix one. He said to me "Hang on!" and then we flew back up. He then kisses me, and then I found myself in fancy royal clothes as a young adult with me and my family living in Karmichael's family mansion... As Karmichael's engaged lover! And then I woke up...
What does this mean?!?!
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asolisgdep's avatar
I really like it. Since you ask for someone to critique then I will try.... I recommend you to keep one tense (present tense, past tense, future tense) Thats all I actually got